You're Not Good in Bed, You Just Think You Are

The Black man has long had to compete with the historical stereotypes that you are all Mandingo Warriors with ruler long instruments. While for some this may be true, a survey of women polled on a forum that shall remain nameless said that an astonishing 35% of women have never had an orgasm. Geesh, you would think with all these tongue wagging, slick talking, Escalade driving, holler-at-every-chick you meet types would have better bed skills. I've listened to my fellow woman laugh at the bruthas who bought Magnums when all they needed was a Trojan. "It's hilarious," one woman says. "The condom goes on and it's baggy. How do you do the do after that?"

Women have to be careful directing a brutha to the destination too. So many egos, so little confidence. "A lot of men don't listen," says one Atlantan. "They want to tell you to do this or that but when it's time to switch roles, they don't hear you."

Learning how to please a woman is an acquired skill. Not all men can do it, many don't care to, and most think they are the greatest of all time. How do you know if you're on the right track? She answers your calls. She sends you sexy texts. She cooks for you without asking, and oh yeah, it's written all over her face. No woman can hide sheer pleasure. Most of us are not good actresses. Faking it requires more energy than keeping it real. Let her be the guide because if she's taking you somewhere consistently, she's trying to tell you where to go without hurting your feelings.

If the woman cares for you she will make the effort to show her appreciation. If you find yourself having to constantly ask her to do something in bed, she loathes it. She hates you and your friend. She wishes you two would just go away, and send the maintenance man in on your way out the door (laugh).

And for those who are out of shape, bloated, and overweight, she does not find that sexy. Being big does not equal being a slob. A grotesque vision in our bed will not suffice, any more than an inadequate lover will.

Your Woman's Shady Friends...

You know the type. They hang around your woman because she is the it girl. They envy her secretly, and to prove it they flirt with you. You know how it starts, the extra attention, the laughing at your corny ass jokes, the light touching. Now if your lady is attentive, don't think she hasn't noticed. However if you have a woman who is bit passive and naive, she might not realize her friends are trying to get at you. In this situation it is best to nip it in the bud. Women like this are not to be trusted and at some point they are going to test you--with or without your woman around. Take it from a woman who has seen this happen. Desperate times call for desperate measures and trust me, some of these bishes are desperate. They are looking for you to do whatever it is you do your current woman for them. If your woman blabs a lot, tell her to shut up. She will not help the situation being a blabber mouth. Trust me, when she gets pissed at you, she runs to her click and they sit around watching reruns of The Game and sharing your professional, mental, and sexual resume with their friends. My advice if your girl's friend gets at you, put her on blast right in front of your woman. It will never happen again.

Why Do Absentee Fathers Want to be a Father All of a Sudden When the Child Becomes an Adult?

Is it because they don't have to pay child support anymore or because the child doesn't need them financially. I'm watching a show called "Whose Wedding is it Anyway?" Both of the brides in the scenarios have "paternal" issues. One is worried that her father will appear at her wedding uninvited, the other has a stepfather who was more active and she prefers that he walk her down the aisle instead of her real father.

Situations like this are extremely tricky and emotional. One one had you want to be the bigger person, but on the other hand there is so much resentment you can't hold it it. I know quite a few women who have issues with their fathers, either because he wasn't there, he was a jerk, or he simply wasn't a good father. This is not just a black issue, it is an issue among all races. A preacher at my church said his father had five wives and families. Wow! What do you say to a man who left you to go be with another family? What do you say to a man who never sent you a single dime in college, yet he called you the day after graduation and every day thereafter like he was your best friend? Intentional? Probably. Or the man who ignored you and your siblings but doted on the one he had out of wedlock with someone other than your mother? How do you get past that? There's always two sides to every story when a man and woman come together and make a child, daddy's version, mama's version, and the truth. Yes well all know s*** happens. But when will it stop.

Men need to stop sleeping with these women they know they don't love and getting them caught up. It takes two to tango but the man is supposed to take the lead, right? When do you draw the line and decide that you will take responsibility for your actions? Coming around when a check is no longer required is a crock. You can be a father if you really want to.

Cheaters Beware: If She Cheats With You, She'll Cheat on You

This guy I know, let's call him "Drake", had been in a relationship with his wife "Mia" for two years before he married her. He had met Mia while he was an undergrad at a HBCU in the south. Mia was the southern belle type: charming, beguiling, and insatiable. She could even cook up a mean pot of red beans and rice. The perfect woman, right?

Wrong. Mia got a kick out of sleeping with men who were attached. In fact, those were the only men she went after. She was known in her hometown for sleeping with other women's boyfriends. She slept with Drake while she knew he had a girlfriend. She even had to run and hide when the girlfriend burst into Drake's apartment to confront him. The coward that Mia was, she hid until her friend's could come and escort her out of Drake's apartment. But this was not the first time Miss Mia had slept with someone's man. She had also slept with her roommates boyfriend while her roommate was at work. Somehow, Drake didn't know that his new chick was getting around. He was so bamboozled by her charm and earthy good looks that he didn't see past the mind-blowing sex.

Well fast-forward to the marriage, it wasn't long before Mia's eye started to wonder. Mia began meeting men at her job, then it was out clubbing, then it was just random men she had come across. She cam across a guy who was so impressive, she was bold enough to invite him into the bedroom that she and Drake shared. Drake worked long hours and Mia always allowed their son to stay at the babysitter a little while longer before she was due to pick him up.

Mia invited her new lover over to the house where they engaged in of course--sex. Mia's notorious appetite for attention combined with her whorish way allowed her to be stupid enough to think she would not get caught. Drake just happened to come home while Miss Mia was getting her freak on. Stunned and sick to his stomach, Drake couldn't believe his perfect wife, the one who makes the smokin' hot red beans and rice could do this to him. But let's rewind...

Drake forgot that his girl from college stood in his apartment with tears in her eyes when she caught him and Mia together a few years earlier. Accident perhaps? I think not. Drake was officially introduced to karma. And to make matters worse, the man Mia slept with wasn't even black. Talk about a blow to the ego!

So with that said, men be careful about falling in love with the woman who is cheating with you. Yes the red beans and rice may be good, but if you're not careful, you can still get burned. Address issues in your relationship whether your woman wants to hear it or not. You might be surprised at her response.

Are You Playing Daddy to Someone Else's Kids But Not Your Own?

I was talking to a young lady I mentor who's father I know. Since he has been gone most of her life because he spent time in prison, she barely has a relationship with him. She hasn't seen him since she was a preteen and now she's an adult. Her younger sister, by another mother, hasn't seen him since she was a baby. She is now 16 years old. He keeps in contact with his daughter (if he keeps in contact with her at all) via a cell phone and text messages. Now because he has managed to find himself in trouble again, he only calls on holidays and birthdays, and usually the conversations don't last for very long. Yet, this same man can find the nerve to go and play daddy to an ex-girlfriend's child and call him "son". He will break his back to take care of this child that is not biologically his while he has missed his daughters growing up, attending proms, graduation, and the like. But if the eldest makes no attempt to acknowledge him on a birthday or holiday or call his mother, it's World War III. What a selfish bastard!! How can he even have the nerve?

Another guy I know evades his children out of fear of being accosted by their mother for child support. He chooses to remain out of sight because he doesn't want his kids to ask him for anything. Yet he's playing daddy to a kid that is rumored not even be his. Go figure. It is one thing to be a father figure to someone else's child, but be sure you're a father to your own.

I know another father who had quite a few kids by quite a few women. He had his favorites, although he maintained contact with just about all of his kids. When he fell ill, he confessed to two of his children that he was sorry he wasn't more active in their lives. Well too little too late. Why should it take illness or being near death to make you realize your mistakes? If you have missed your child's formative years, trying to bond when they are adults isn't going to make them feel any better that you weren't there. I know fathers who were there and still made lousy parents. So then what?

Absentee fathers AKA Sperm Donors are the reason so many young women are in the arms of the wrong men searching for the love their fathers were supposed to give them. They are the reasons sons end up acting not knowing how to play catch, throw a ball, or tie a tie. It is the reason some being reared by women end up with more feminine traits than masculine ones. It is the reason the black family unit has been destroyed.

If you're going to walk out of a child's life, walk out and stay out. Don't play mind games by building their hopes up like you're going to be reliable. Do you and them a favor and keep it moving. Men need to stop letting money and their negative feelings toward the mother keep them from being a father. You are not a man unless you nurture and provide for your children, I don't care how old you are, how many degrees you have or how much money you have. But always remember, if you haven't been introduced to that lovely lady karma, you will soon.

Bottom Line: If you don't want kids, don't have sex or wear a condom. It's that simple.

Black Women Pressuring Men to Commit Because Their Biological Clock is Ticking

This is a topic from a good friend of mine. Please place your comments!!

I have a topic that I would like to discuss. Women that pressure men to commit because their biological clock is ticking or because her friend Erica just had a baby and it is making you feel left out.

In my humble opinion just because your biological clock is ticking shouldn't cause you to force your man to make a life changing decision to commit to you, especially if he is not ready. That is like you are a homeowner and you need to sell your home in the few months because you are facing foreclosure. Yes, I may be a potential home buyer and would like to buy your home, but I am not going to make a deal "close" on your home because you are pressed.


Pressuring a man to commit is not only selfish it can also make for a very resentful situation down the line. You may question yourself, if you wanted to settle down and have children then why did you wait until the last minute. I know there were some folk in your earlier years that could have made that happen, but you were too picky. In other words, the house that you had on the market was priced TOO HIGH!!!
BW

Single and Not Looking: The Type of Men Women Hope to Avoid and 1 We Hope to Find

Single men who have never had a substantial relationship and don't want one are the men that most Black women seek to avoid after a certain age. Some Black men like to say Black women who are at a certain age and have never been married have something wrong with them. Often such is not the case. EVERYONE has issues, some are just more prevalent than others. From the perspective of many black women who are gainfully employed, childless, drama-free, and attractive, the candidates of equivalent standards are few. There are single Black men, but what TYPE of single they are is the question. Here are the common types of single Black men that most Black women run across:

-The Can't Let Go of His Past SBM: This man lives in the past. Can't let go of what he used to be to get to what he should become. He starts off every sentence like this: "Back in the day", "When I was..", "I used to..." He's in a time warp and his clothes probably are to.

-The Mama's Boy: He's so in love with his mama he can't get to know any other woman. Why? Because no one compares to his mama. No one cooks like her, cleans like her, or listens to him. MIght I suggest you continue to see your mama and grow old with her since clearly this is the only relationship you will ever have.

-The Street Car: He's the guy who can't get our of the streets long enough to establish a relationship. He has done time, but still insists on living the life. He has no desire to get a real job or do anything "straight and narrow". If he has kids it is likely that he doesn't want to get a real job" because he owes child support. Not a good guy to be with.

-The Babymaker: He has kids by so many women even he can't keep track. He has never been married to any of them yet tries to persuade his new woman that he is a changed man. His job status is flighty, mostly due to the fact that he moves around to avoid child support payments. He does odd jobs and may even be best friends with the street car. The usually have a lot in common.

-The Bitter Man AKA The A$$hole: He's been dumped, duped, and rejected so now he's on a mission to make every woman he comes across pay for his pain. He has an attitude and will never keep a woman because he's always complaining about what "so and so" did to him. He finds it hard to take a look at himself, and thus consider he might be the reason for all his pain.

-The Suspect: He is a gay man masked as a straight man. The type of man who only dates a certain type of woman, usually very pretty or very obese because 9 times out 10 neither will question his sexuality. The Suspect lives a very high-maintenance lifestyle but it is kept a secret from everyone except his significant other. He is very particular, may get his brows waxed, hang out with the boys and appear to have everything together. He can shuck and jive with the best of men but with women his is catty, vindictive and controlling.

-The Abuser: He can be synonymous with The Supsect. He may have some serious issues and expresses his frustration by putting hands on women. He is arrogant and insecure and constantly feels someone is trying to betray him. The abuse usually starts with a simple argument then escalates to a shove. But he is to be avoided at all costs.

-The Jock: The jock can't let go of his athletic past. He may have been in the NBA or NFL, even MLB, but whatever he was in, he can't let it go. He has to reference his athletic past in every situation, similar to Mr. Can't Let Go of His Past. He is used to a certain type of attention from women and if he doesn't get it he feels rejected and will say you're not paying him enough attention. His constant question is life is: "I Left the Game, Do the Fans Still Love Me?

-The Sob Story: No matter what day of the week it is, he always has a story. Something happened to prevent him from brushing his teeth, finding a job, buying a car. He's just one story after the next. Just when he gets to a point of normalcy, he comes with another sob story. In other words he is a manic-psychotic-pity freak who will never be able to get anywhere in life because "things keep happening" to him.

-The Masked Man AKA Liar: The all too familiar guy who can't keep his stories straight. He paints a perfect picture of everything until you fall out of his circle of perfection then all hell breaks loose. He will have you thinking you are at fault but really his lies have distorted your perception of reality.

-The 6 Pack AKA G-Man: He's the 6 things women like: A good relationship with God and his family (which may not be perfect, but they are tolerable), he's a gentleman, he has a good job or runs his own successful business, he is intelligent and can hold a conversation, he is sexually capable and takes the time to find out what a woman likes, he is a good person and even with his flaws, his character surpasses any negative traits. What more can a girl ask for

Which man are you??

(Photo by Jacobs Stock Photography.)