I was talking to a young lady I mentor who's father I know. Since he has been gone most of her life because he spent time in prison, she barely has a relationship with him. She hasn't seen him since she was a preteen and now she's an adult. Her younger sister, by another mother, hasn't seen him since she was a baby. She is now 16 years old. He keeps in contact with his daughter (if he keeps in contact with her at all) via a cell phone and text messages. Now because he has managed to find himself in trouble again, he only calls on holidays and birthdays, and usually the conversations don't last for very long. Yet, this same man can find the nerve to go and play daddy to an ex-girlfriend's child and call him "son". He will break his back to take care of this child that is not biologically his while he has missed his daughters growing up, attending proms, graduation, and the like. But if the eldest makes no attempt to acknowledge him on a birthday or holiday or call his mother, it's World War III. What a selfish bastard!! How can he even have the nerve?
Another guy I know evades his children out of fear of being accosted by their mother for child support. He chooses to remain out of sight because he doesn't want his kids to ask him for anything. Yet he's playing daddy to a kid that is rumored not even be his. Go figure. It is one thing to be a father figure to someone else's child, but be sure you're a father to your own.
I know another father who had quite a few kids by quite a few women. He had his favorites, although he maintained contact with just about all of his kids. When he fell ill, he confessed to two of his children that he was sorry he wasn't more active in their lives. Well too little too late. Why should it take illness or being near death to make you realize your mistakes? If you have missed your child's formative years, trying to bond when they are adults isn't going to make them feel any better that you weren't there. I know fathers who were there and still made lousy parents. So then what?
Absentee fathers AKA Sperm Donors are the reason so many young women are in the arms of the wrong men searching for the love their fathers were supposed to give them. They are the reasons sons end up acting not knowing how to play catch, throw a ball, or tie a tie. It is the reason some being reared by women end up with more feminine traits than masculine ones. It is the reason the black family unit has been destroyed.
If you're going to walk out of a child's life, walk out and stay out. Don't play mind games by building their hopes up like you're going to be reliable. Do you and them a favor and keep it moving. Men need to stop letting money and their negative feelings toward the mother keep them from being a father. You are not a man unless you nurture and provide for your children, I don't care how old you are, how many degrees you have or how much money you have. But always remember, if you haven't been introduced to that lovely lady karma, you will soon.
Bottom Line: If you don't want kids, don't have sex or wear a condom. It's that simple.
