Why Do Absentee Fathers Want to be a Father All of a Sudden When the Child Becomes an Adult?

Is it because they don't have to pay child support anymore or because the child doesn't need them financially. I'm watching a show called "Whose Wedding is it Anyway?" Both of the brides in the scenarios have "paternal" issues. One is worried that her father will appear at her wedding uninvited, the other has a stepfather who was more active and she prefers that he walk her down the aisle instead of her real father.

Situations like this are extremely tricky and emotional. One one had you want to be the bigger person, but on the other hand there is so much resentment you can't hold it it. I know quite a few women who have issues with their fathers, either because he wasn't there, he was a jerk, or he simply wasn't a good father. This is not just a black issue, it is an issue among all races. A preacher at my church said his father had five wives and families. Wow! What do you say to a man who left you to go be with another family? What do you say to a man who never sent you a single dime in college, yet he called you the day after graduation and every day thereafter like he was your best friend? Intentional? Probably. Or the man who ignored you and your siblings but doted on the one he had out of wedlock with someone other than your mother? How do you get past that? There's always two sides to every story when a man and woman come together and make a child, daddy's version, mama's version, and the truth. Yes well all know s*** happens. But when will it stop.

Men need to stop sleeping with these women they know they don't love and getting them caught up. It takes two to tango but the man is supposed to take the lead, right? When do you draw the line and decide that you will take responsibility for your actions? Coming around when a check is no longer required is a crock. You can be a father if you really want to.

Are You Playing Daddy to Someone Else's Kids But Not Your Own?

I was talking to a young lady I mentor who's father I know. Since he has been gone most of her life because he spent time in prison, she barely has a relationship with him. She hasn't seen him since she was a preteen and now she's an adult. Her younger sister, by another mother, hasn't seen him since she was a baby. She is now 16 years old. He keeps in contact with his daughter (if he keeps in contact with her at all) via a cell phone and text messages. Now because he has managed to find himself in trouble again, he only calls on holidays and birthdays, and usually the conversations don't last for very long. Yet, this same man can find the nerve to go and play daddy to an ex-girlfriend's child and call him "son". He will break his back to take care of this child that is not biologically his while he has missed his daughters growing up, attending proms, graduation, and the like. But if the eldest makes no attempt to acknowledge him on a birthday or holiday or call his mother, it's World War III. What a selfish bastard!! How can he even have the nerve?

Another guy I know evades his children out of fear of being accosted by their mother for child support. He chooses to remain out of sight because he doesn't want his kids to ask him for anything. Yet he's playing daddy to a kid that is rumored not even be his. Go figure. It is one thing to be a father figure to someone else's child, but be sure you're a father to your own.

I know another father who had quite a few kids by quite a few women. He had his favorites, although he maintained contact with just about all of his kids. When he fell ill, he confessed to two of his children that he was sorry he wasn't more active in their lives. Well too little too late. Why should it take illness or being near death to make you realize your mistakes? If you have missed your child's formative years, trying to bond when they are adults isn't going to make them feel any better that you weren't there. I know fathers who were there and still made lousy parents. So then what?

Absentee fathers AKA Sperm Donors are the reason so many young women are in the arms of the wrong men searching for the love their fathers were supposed to give them. They are the reasons sons end up acting not knowing how to play catch, throw a ball, or tie a tie. It is the reason some being reared by women end up with more feminine traits than masculine ones. It is the reason the black family unit has been destroyed.

If you're going to walk out of a child's life, walk out and stay out. Don't play mind games by building their hopes up like you're going to be reliable. Do you and them a favor and keep it moving. Men need to stop letting money and their negative feelings toward the mother keep them from being a father. You are not a man unless you nurture and provide for your children, I don't care how old you are, how many degrees you have or how much money you have. But always remember, if you haven't been introduced to that lovely lady karma, you will soon.

Bottom Line: If you don't want kids, don't have sex or wear a condom. It's that simple.