Wednesday, July 22, 2009

You're Not Good in Bed, You Just Think You Are


The Black man has long had to compete with the historical stereotypes that you are all Mandingo Warriors with ruler long instruments. While for some this may be true, a survey of women polled on a forum that shall remain nameless said that an astonishing 35% of women have never had an orgasm. Geesh, you would think with all these tongue wagging, slick talking, Escalade driving, holler-at-every-chick you meet types would have better bed skills. I've listened to my fellow woman laugh at the bruthas who bought Magnums when all they needed was a Trojan. "It's hilarious," one woman says. "The condom goes on and it's baggy. How do you do the do after that?"

Women have to be careful directing a brutha to the destination too. So many egos, so little confidence. "A lot of men don't listen," says one Atlantan. "They want to tell you to do this or that but when it's time to switch roles, they don't hear you."

Learning how to please a woman is an acquired skill. Not all men can do it, many don't care to, and most think they are the greatest of all time. How do you know if you're on the right track? She answers your calls. She sends you sexy texts. She cooks for you without asking, and oh yeah, it's written all over her face. No woman can hide sheer pleasure. Most of us are not good actresses. Faking it requires more energy than keeping it real. Let her be the guide because if she's taking you somewhere consistently, she's trying to tell you where to go without hurting your feelings.

If the woman cares for you she will make the effort to show her appreciation. If you find yourself having to constantly ask her to do something in bed, she loathes it. She hates you and your friend. She wishes you two would just go away, and send the maintenance man in on your way out the door (laugh).

And for those who are out of shape, bloated, and overweight, she does not find that sexy. Being big does not equal being a slob. A grotesque vision in our bed will not suffice, any more than an inadequate lover will.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Your Woman's Shady Friends...


You know the type. They hang around your woman because she is the it girl. They envy her secretly, and to prove it they flirt with you. You know how it starts, the extra attention, the laughing at your corny ass jokes, the light touching. Now if your lady is attentive, don't think she hasn't noticed. However if you have a woman who is bit passive and naive, she might not realize her friends are trying to get at you. In this situation it is best to nip it in the bud. Women like this are not to be trusted and at some point they are going to test you--with or without your woman around. Take it from a woman who has seen this happen. Desperate times call for desperate measures and trust me, some of these bishes are desperate. They are looking for you to do whatever it is you do your current woman for them. If your woman blabs a lot, tell her to shut up. She will not help the situation being a blabber mouth. Trust me, when she gets pissed at you, she runs to her click and they sit around watching reruns of The Game and sharing your professional, mental, and sexual resume with their friends. My advice if your girl's friend gets at you, put her on blast right in front of your woman. It will never happen again.